I don’t fish. I don’t even eat fish. Of any kind. If it lives in the water, it’s not for me. I think that’s why this works.

My feelings are like fish. Some are prettier to look at and experience than others. For the sake of this metaphor, I’m going to specifically focus on my “bad” feelings: shame, anxiety, fear, apathy, depression, anger, sadness, grief, guilt, despair, jealousy, rage, frustration, resentment, bitterness, irritation, pride, selfishness, hopelessness, misery…did I miss anything?

I imagine I’m floating in a cute little boat in my cute little bikini, on a calm, placid lake. My line is in the water because I’m fishing for treasure. Really- people lose jewelry and shit all the time. RIP to my Burberry sunglasses! I know that because I have a line in the water, I’ll inevitably hook something. And lo and behold, there’s a fish on the line. FUCK. Now there’s tension! I’m stressed because now I have to do something, or that fish is gonna run my line out until there’s nothing left, and I’m totally depleted. I guess I could cut the line, but that’s really just creating another problem because now I’ve got a fucked up line, and I have to make a new one from scratch or I won’t be able to catch any treasure.

I have to reel in the fish and unhook it. It’s hard. And it’s scary because I hate fish! I don’t want to look at it or touch it, but I have to! It’s the only way to unhook it. So I just breathe and keep reeling until I’m holding that squirming, slimy, nasty fish in my hand. And it’s terrible, and it sucks. It’s cold and yucky, and I wish I never decided to reel it in, but now it’s here, and I just have to unhook it. So I hold on hard to that fucking fish. It feels like forever, but it’s really only 30-60 seconds before all the horribleness pays off because now I have the hook out and we can both get on with our lives.

And that’s what it means to catch and release emotions. When I refuse to deal with the feelings on my line, they stay in my body and cause me thoughts I don’t want which turn into habits and behaviors. They cause fatigue and chronic exhaustion. They never let me live because they’re just swimming around inside me hogging all the space where the butterflies are supposed to live. So now, I reel them in, and I hold them for as long as it takes to unhook them. Scientifically speaking, if we practice letting go of emotions as they arrive, they really only come in waves of about 30-90 seconds at a time.

I do this all day every day. I do it while I’m working and working out. I do it while I’m at dinner and as I’m falling asleep. I do it mid-meditation and mid-downward dog. I do it at the grocery store and in traffic. I just let the damn fish off the hook. I don’t judge it for being an angry bass or a sad trout. I don’t really care if it’s a jealous carp or an apathetic minnow! I just hold onto the fish until it stops squirming enough for me to unhook it from my line and let it go. These fish and I have never felt so free to coexist knowing we are just going to have a brief encounter and move on. The best part is I’m getting pretty good at fishing.

So, if you see me with my eyes shut or staring into space for approximately 30-90 seconds, just know I’ve gone fishin’ and I’ll be back soon.

xoxo,

Liz

P.S. This is October’s theme, and I’m proud to say I’m 10 months in to my New Year’s Resolution!! Yeehaw!